10 Things I’ve learned (so far) as a mum of an ADHDer…
Nuggets of wisdom on being the mum of an ADHDer
Synapse Psychology’s Provisional Psychologist Shannon Klekociuk shares valuable insights into parenting a child with ADHD.
Parenting a child with ADHD is challenging in ways I never anticipated. Just when I think I’ve figured something out, a new curveball comes along. Below are just some of the things I’ve learned so far in these early years of raising an ADHDer. No doubt, as time goes on, I’ll keep learning and adjusting, because if there’s one thing this journey teaches you (as cliché as it sounds), it’s that change is the only constant.
Learn about ADHD
This may sound obvious, but it is critical. You don’t need a degree in psychology or neuroscience, but having a solid understanding of this neurotype helps you break down stereotypes and myths (of which there are many). ADHD is often misunderstood, so familiarizing yourself with its complexities will help you cut through the noise so that you can give your child the support they need.
Make space for big emotions (yes, meltdowns will happen!)
ADHD often comes with big emotions, and meltdowns can feel intense. Learning to make space for these big emotions is an ongoing challenge for us but its super important to ensure healthy emotional development. Plus, it helps avoid the deep shame that can develop from experiencing emotional overwhelm. One thing we are constantly working on is keeping our focus on correcting behaviours, whilst allowing ALL emotions (no matter how dramatic they may seem).
Know your own triggers
We all have triggers. Knowing yours is crucial when parenting a child with ADHD. Your reactions can escalate or diffuse a situation, so understanding why certain behaviours bother you and working through them first helps you stay calm when your child needs it the most. This is likely a long-term project but don’t despair, it’s helpful for both you and your child now and into the future.
Talk less, not more
ADHD kids are spoken to a lot (think of all those reminders, reprimands, and redirects!). Sometimes, too much talk can become overwhelming. My partner and I use a code word when we notice our ADHDer is "on the brink." It’s our reminder to dial back the talking and be mindful of how we use our words. In addition, having just one parent manage the meltdown prevents overwhelming your child even more and helps to de-escalate the situation faster. Less is often more.
Activities for regulation are crucial
Physical activity has been a game-changer in our household. ADHD kids often benefit from movement to help regulate their emotions and focus. Whether it’s structured sports, outdoor play, or just a walk or adventure somewhere, physical activity helps regulate and keep grounded. If nothing else, work to get the kids out of the house when you can (and when weather permits!).
Have a predictable schedule
ADHD thrives on structure, and while life can’t always be perfectly organised, having a predictable routine helps children feel more secure. It doesn’t have to be rigid but knowing what to expect throughout the day—like mealtimes, screen time, after school tasks, and bedtime—helps reduce anxiety and prevents a lot of unnecessary chaos. Using family schedules/calendars are often helpful, particularly if they include pictures/images.
Rejection sensitivity is real
While it’s not part of an official ADHD diagnosis, many ADHDers experience rejection sensitivity, which can amplify their reactions to criticism or exclusion (real or perceived). Being aware of this can help us respond with empathy and provide the reassurance they need in those vulnerable moments. Again, talking less and making space for big emotions can help here.
Modelling emotional regulation is extra important for ADHDers
Kids learn how to handle stress by watching us handle ours… whether we do that well or not! Modelling healthy coping strategies like deep breathing, taking breaks, and expressing our emotions calmly helps show them how to manage their own big feelings. Sometimes, all I can manage is leaving the room, but if that helps me avoid saying something I might regret, then that’s a good thing.
Check for HALT more often
HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired – four states that can trigger a meltdown faster than anything else. ADHD kids can be especially sensitive to these, always keep snacks handy, check in on their emotional state, and ensure they’re getting the rest they need. I pack lunchboxes every day, whether the kids have school or not!
Self-care matters
Parenting an ADHD child is challenging, and you can’t pour from an empty cup. Having a trusted friend or partner to talk/vent/discuss challenges is essential. Taking time to debrief with another adult can provide much-needed perspective and emotional relief. My partner and I are working hard to make opportunities to do this more often, and to give ourselves more time with friends to fill up our own cups.