6 Effective Communication Techniques for Connecting with Kids

Navigating the complexities of parenting can be especially challenging when faced with strong-minded children. They will often assert their own ideas and may challenge directions and instructions, leaving caregivers feeling frustrated and unsure of how to respond. However, effective communication can transform these moments into opportunities for connection and understanding.

1.       Curiosity and Connection

This approach acknowledges feelings, expands feelings vocabularies, and guides children toward a solution. Start by identifying their emotions, such as, “I see you’re angry,” and be careful to mirror their emotional tone. Instead of "but," use "the problem is." For example, “I understand you’re upset about not going to the park; the problem is it’s too rainy.”  

2.       Be Playful

This technique engages children by making tasks fun and interactive. You can personify everyday objects, like having cups ask to join their friends in the sink. You can also turn chores into challenges, such as timing how quickly they can clean up their Legos, to add excitement. Additionally, introducing imaginative characters, like a helpful robot, can make tasks like getting dressed more enjoyable.

3.       Offer Choice

This empowers children by giving them a sense of control while allowing adults to still guide tasks. Offering options—like taking giant steps or skipping to the car—helps children feel involved. It’s important to avoid turning choices into threats, as this can create fear rather than cooperation. This approach promotes engagement and positive collaboration.

4.       Give in Fantasy

In fantasy, you can acknowledge feelings by offering imaginative possibilities. For example, you might say, “How fun would it be if we could have ice cream for breakfast every day? Just imagine all the flavors we could try!” Or express a wish like, “I wish you had a hundred more hours to play.” This approach validates their feelings and opens up a creative space for discussion.

5.       Inform

Instead of giving a command, you can provide your child with information to help them make their own decisions. For example, you might say, “The law is that everyone needs to have a seatbelt on,” or “glue sticks dry out when the cap is left off.” This empowers children to understand the reasoning that guides their actions.

6.       Describe

Instead of giving commands, describe what you see that may need attention. For example, “I see a jacket on the floor,” or “I notice you haven’t brushed your teeth yet.” It’s also helpful to acknowledge progress first, like saying, “I see you’re halfway dressed,” or “I see you’ve made good progress on your worksheet.”

Compiled by Emily Nason - Launceston Psychologist at Synapse Psychology.

Techniques from How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Fabor and Julie King (2017)